I've been thinking a lot lately about why I think so much about friendship. (I realize my obsessive tendencies encourage this kind of crazy thinking, yes). Not the we-
say-happy-birthday-on-facebook kind of friend, but the I'd-take-a-bullet-for-you type.
The reason this came about is because I have recently (in the past few years) acquired a friend. It feels like we should be closer, but we aren't. There is an unspoken awkwardness to our relationship that simply can't exist in order to have a deep bonded friendship.
Why does that bother me?
I feel like so few people really care about me and know me at that level that when I think it may happen, it's such a gift. Having something be so close, yet unattainable is like taking a kid to a candy store and buying him one of those honey sticks they keep near the counter: still sweet, still yummy, but it ain't no haystack.
There comes a point in every close friendship I have in which I consciously made a decision, "That person is going to be my friend."
I've discovered there are 3 types of people in my top tier.
(1) Rarely is the decision made as soon as we meet. I can name US, AL, RR, AW, OV, maybe one or two more in the span of 39 years. But the point is, I remember thinking as a 12 year old, "I like that new girl Rachel. We will be friends." I remember attending a new church and deciding, without even having met, that the pianist would be my friend. I make a decision and act accordingly.
(2) Other times, it takes a while, like in any other relationship. Some friends, some of my dearest friends, I had known for a while and when they sufficiently said or did enough things that I like, then I make that decision. This happened with most of my buddies.
(3) There is one other way in which I have decided that people were top tier friend quality: The Mortal Enemy. These people are the ones that rub me the wrong way from day 1, yet something happens over the course of time that makes me realize that the decision must be made to let them in. Usually these friends turn out to be the ones who keep me on my toes and make me think. Many times they are the ones who can get away with teasing me and dishing back the stuff I usually dish out, because I decided that was ok when I chose them as friends.
So many people talk about friendships like they talk about love: it just "happened" or it was "love at first sight."
I don't believe that either of those things are true in aros - romantic love, so why should it be true for philia - friendship love?
If I choose you, you won't know at first. Don't worry, I'm not a crazy stalker lady. Well, I'm no stalker, at the very least. I just need to choose friends very very carefully, because I choose friends for life. Of those I have ever held in that esteem, very few of us have lost contact.
Seriously, I sound like a lunatic...
Are there people out there that just let friendship grow organically? Is that the common manner in which friendships are conceived? Because I wish I could have that same point of view...
So that's my question: Organic or Inorganic?
limerick by me
8 hours ago