It's not a big surprise to anyone who has ever met me that I have weight and self esteem issues. I talk about them freely and openly as a catharsis and as a means to have other people know that they aren't alone in these things.
At the end of 2012, I felt amazing. I was still about 10-15 lbs from my "goal" weight, but I looked strong and healthy.
Then, I started gaining weight, for no apparent reason. I was sure my thyroid medicine needed adjusted but the endocrinologist declared it didn't.
In the spring of 2013, my wrists started giving me issues. After a lot of pain, they discovered I have a cyst in one and a displaced tendon in the other. Bye bye, burpees, push ups, planks, mountain climbers, and even yoga. All those things, which I previously loved and made part of my daily routine are now so painful I can maybe do 1-2 before wanting to cry.
When an orthopedic doctor finally gave me cortisone injections to ease the pain a little in my wrists, I had a couple of months where I started meeting with a food coach to get back to where I was just a few months before. Mysteriously, the weight kept coming on, even on an extremely "by the numbers" diet. I wasn't eating too much or too little.
So what's next? I sprained my ankle so severely that I was in a cast for 2 weeks and a boot for 2 months (most sprains heal in 6-8 weeks) and then a brace for 2 more weeks.
Let me do the math for you: Bad wrists + bad ankle = bad mood. It was a dark time for me. without the outlet of exercise, not only did I stay in a bad mood for about 3 months, but I gained even faster than before.
Now, my ankle feels ok. My wrists I've learned to live with. I'm back at the gym and back with my food coach. Some weight is coming off, but I'm just making a dent in the huge damage last year caused my body and my psyche.
Last night was the finale of The Biggest Loser on tv. The winner, Rachel Frederickson, lost what many are calling an extremely unhealthy amount of weight. The backlash has been tremendous because of it. People calling her "gross" and "disgusting" and vowing to never watch the show again started popping up all over.
A conversation I had with a friend came to mind. A mutual friend had made 500,000 or so of my favorite cookie during what happened to be an especially difficult day for me full of self hatred and lack of hope. I made a comment like, "How do you stay skinny?" hoping it came across as light and humorous, when in all actuality it didn't. My other friend sent me a private message suggesting I re-examine how I talk to women and stop saying things like that. She was much more eloquent than that, but it cut me to the core. I try so hard to love myself despite my body image, so what right to I have to make others feel bad about themselves?
So, yes, Rachel Frederickson is tiny. She tripped going up the stairs maybe from lack of carbs but maybe because she was nervous and weighs about 20 lbs too little. That doesn't mean we know what she's going through. We don't know anything about her, apart from what the producers decided to show us. Let's give the girl a minute to catch her breath, eat a cupcake, and get back to her real life, not the one on tv or the one where she's trying to win 6 figures. Let's learn to look in a mirror and not shove that mirror in everyone else's face.
I was sad to see her, too, but honestly I don't know what I would have done in her situation. Do you? None of us do, but all of us can just be nicer to ourselves, which is what all of this boils down to.
Being a strong mom and person
3 days ago